What can we learn from our elders?

This is an extract from a longer article by Richard Leider, councilor, author and a founding partner of The Inventure Group, a Minneapolis-based training firm whose mission is to help individuals, leaders, and teams discover the power of purpose. I think you might like it. If you do and want the full version please email me and I’ll send it to you.

For nearly 25 years, I've been doing interviews with senior citizens, asking them to look back over their lives and talk about what they've learned. I've conducted more than 1,000 interviews with people who were successful in their jobs, who retired from leading companies after distinguished careers. Almost without exception, when these older people look back, they say the same things-things that are instructive and useful for the rest of us as we make decisions going forward in our lives.

First, they say that if they could live their lives over again, they would be more reflective. They got so caught up in the doing, they say, that they often lost sight of the meaning. Usually it took a crisis for them to look at their lives in perspective and try to reestablish the context. Looking back, they wish they had stopped at regular intervals to look at the big picture.

They also sounded a warning: Life picks up speed. The first half of your life is about getting prepared and getting established. Then time shifts gears. You hit the second half of your life, and everything moves faster. Days turn into weeks, weeks into months, and all of a sudden, you're 65 years old. Looking back, they say, you realize that time is the most precious currency in life. And as they got older, having time for reflection became even more important.

Second, if they could live their lives over again, they would take more risks. In relationships, they would have been more courageous. And in expressing their creative side, they would have taken more chances. I think it was Oliver Wendell Holmes who said, "Most of us go to our graves with our music still inside us." Many of these people felt that, despite of their successes, their music was still inside them. Almost all of them said that they felt most alive when they took risks. Just being busy from business made them numb. Aliveness came with learning, growing, stretching, exploring.

Third, if they could live their lives over again, they would understand what really gave them fulfillment. I call that the power of purpose: doing something that contributes to life, adding value to life beyond yourself. Purpose is always outside yourself, beyond your ego or your financial self-interest.

We all want both success and fulfillment. Success is often measured in external ways, but there's an internal measure of success, and it's called fulfillment. Fulfillment comes from realizing your talents-adding value and living by your values. Fulfillment comes from integrity, from being who you are and expressing who you are as fully as possible. It doesn't have to do with your job description or the specifics of your work. It has to do with how you bring yourself to your work, regardless of what that work is.

Richard Leider is available on the Internet at www.inventuregroup.com.

Piers Carter
Coach & Leadership Consultant

What do you want and how will you know when you’ve got it?
Tough question. Have you ever asked yourself this question? Do you know the answer? How important is this question in your work/life?

We spend 60% of our time either working or getting ready for work so if you’re saying I’m only doing this to pay the bills I think you are missing something important. That means you are trying to get money to pay for the remaining 40%, half of which you are asleep for anyway.

That’s not to say we all have to ‘follow our dreams’ like we hear so frequently from reality shows and talent selection programmes. Sometimes there is hard graft to be done or unpleasant phases of life to be lived, it is more to say are you doing things with intent or by accident? And is it affecting your happiness?

What do you want and how will you know when you’ve got it? This applies medium and long term.

Is it money? Is it responsibility? Is it a certain item or possession? Is it a feeling inside or a state of mind?

For me it is a state of mind which I can achieve when I balance;

·       Work I enjoy or I learn from (and pays the bills)

·       Time with my family

·       Time for myself

How I define these individually is my business but if I get this right I know I’m there. I can feel when it is out of balance – I imagine myself on a triangular wobble board with the above 3 factors on each point - I am always trying to keep all points in the air. Crucially I can feel when I haven’t got the balance right and I can feel when I have and I register it and, either do something about it or consciously recognise it and value it for what it is.

Money comes and goes. Awards, titles, job roles are there for a while and then grow old, get phased out and get forgotten by others. Possessions get lost, broken, stolen or are superseded by something else. It’s the feeling inside no one can take from you, your state of mind that only you can own.

For a wonderful blog with a talking heads film about exactly this issue check this out http://www.soulbiographies.com/2010/11/the-riddle-of-here/

What do you want and how will you know when you’ve got it?

Piers Carter

Coach & Leadership Consultant

Are relationships important in business?
How do you measure the success of a business? Could it be as simple as the amount of money it makes? Is its contribution to the society it is positioned in a measure of success? Public Sector and Third sector business are becoming more and more accountable in terms of revenue generation however their success is often measured on the service they provide to the ‘end user’. Some businesses are content to maintain their position in the market place whilst, more commonly, growth is a measure of success.

Whatever the parameters for success, I am going to suggest that business, good business, is all done on or achieved through relationships. Relationships form the foundations, corner stone and building blocks of a successful business.

• ·       Relationships between bosses and employees
• ·       Relationships between business and society
• ·       Relationships between sales people and their clients
• ·       Relationships between the employees themselves
• ·       Relationships inside the business and relationships outside the business
• ·       Relationships across the business sectors and relationships up and down through the  organisation

And relationships are based on productive conversations.

As a self-employed person, I get most of my work through word of mouth, through networking. The more people I am talking to the more business I have on my books. Even with a structured marketing plan and an awareness of social media methods of selling and publicity, good relationships are essential. In fact, a good social media campaign is, in essence, a relationships tool to build business and brand awareness.

Let me give you a simple example. I always take my car to a local mechanic in the next village. I have done for 14 years. It was Christmas Eve and my exhaust went, I knew he was going to be closing soon for the Christmas break. I went along to see him to ask when was the soonest he could fit me in. He looked around the forecourt at the many cars awaiting attention and pointed to a series of vehicles which had been dumped outside his doors that morning with post it notes on the dash demanding urgent work. No pleasant requests just demands. No understanding of the pressure and work load he was under. He did my car there and then and said if the other customers didn’t have the courtesy to ring or ask then they could go to the back of the queue.

I have always asked him if he can fit me in and not to worry if not and he has always made every effort to do right by me – we have a sound relationship built on trust and respect.

What are the relationships like in your business? If you want something doing by another department how well do you know the person you are asking? Do you invest in the relationships outside of the transactional piece of work you are doing?

In his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Steven Covey talks about everyone having an emotional bank account, from our friends and family to our colleagues and customers. Too many withdrawals and you’ll be overdrawn, keep making deposits and you’ll be in credit – allowing the occasional withdrawal.

·        Business is done on relationships, how are your relationships and are you making more deposits than withdrawals?  Are you in the red or in the black?

Relationships aren’t just important in business; they are business – the better your relationships, the better your business.


Piers Carter

Is there such a thing as a free lunch?

Ever done something for nothing?

I'm not sure I have but I thought I'd start to and see how it went. 

When it comes to Corporate and Social Responsibility are our efforts truly altruistic or is there some kind of selfish beneifit? Hard to say since there is always the positive PR from any charitable work or community based initiatives and, as individuals, we do 'feel good about ourselves' when we put something back. For me, I just feel that it is time to do more with my skills than I am currently doing. I'm not quite sure why or where it will go but it does just feel right.

Furthermore I have a belief that it will be our businesses and communities that change the world, not our governments. So in the spirit of positive intent, I have decided to do something I am calling 10% Time.

To find out more, click on my 10% Time tab above and you might be entitled to some free coaching.

Piers Carter

Don't you just love fresh approaches?

I was lucky enough today to come across a company called Delta 7. They take a really fresh approach to their facilitation. Rather than me try to explain what they do check out a selection of their stuff below.

Piers Carter

Leadership Coach & Consultant

Delta7's Conversation Starters - November 2010

Welcome to the November 2010 edition of 'Delta7's Conversation Starters' - a series of images created from a decade's experience running visual dialogues in large organisations.

The first three images this quarter were among those used at a seminar we ran at Cass Business School in November on the subject of "the unspoken at work".  Many thanks to the OD Innovation Network for organising the event.  Do drop us a line if you'd be interested in attending similar future workshops.

We hope you find these images thought-provoking and amusing. As with all our work, they were created to get people talking, so why not print out and use* them to kick off a conversation with the people you work with? Alternatively, you might like to use them in your blog or a PowerPoint presentation.  If you find them useful, please let us know!

This was inspired by a comment from a client recently about the meeting culture they were experiencing at work. They were frustrated:  When this sort of pattern persists it can cause significant personal and financial costs.

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Kurt von Hammerstein-Equord's four box model

Unless you're a military historian, you probably haven't heard of General Kurt Von Hammerstein-Equord.  He rose to become commander-in-chief of the German army between the wars, and is remembered for being a staunch opponent of the Nazi regime.  That is, unless you've read widely in organisational behaviour, in which case you probably only know him for the following, slightly un-PC remark about his officers, that's often used to comment on modern-day organisations:

I divide my officers into four classes; the clever, the lazy, the industrious, and the stupid. Most often two of these qualities come together. The officers who are clever and industrious are fitted for the highest staff appointments. Those who are stupid and lazy make up around 90% of every army in the world, and they can be used for routine work. The man who is clever and lazy however is for the very highest command; he has the temperament and nerves to deal with all situations. But whoever is stupid and industrious is a menace and must be removed immediately!

The quote comes from a manual on military command written in 1933.  If Hammerstein-Equord was a modern day consultant he would have immediately sensed a two-by-two matrix, so we have indulged ourselves and mapped it out.  We've found this picture generates some very interesting conversations!

If this diagram tickles you, you might want to follow up by reading Venkat Rao's trail of posts on "The Gervais Principle" (starting here), which follows a similar idea. This series has attracted a lot of attention and for good reason. Be warned - it's more like reading chapters in a book than reading blog posts.  Worth the effort though.

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How Good are your Decisions?

I was speaking with a client recently and I asked her, if she could get her staff to do one thing consistently and do it well what would it be? She told me it was decision making, the ability to make decisions under pressure and in her absence.

As part of my Extreme Teams research I asked former soldiers, aid agency workers, business owners, sports people and medical professionals a similar question and decision making is frequently mentioned.

Teams and businesses need either an individual to make the decisions or a mechanism for making decisions.

So, how do you decide how to decide?

My coachees, when asked about the effectiveness of their decision making, often talk about the context in which they are making decisions or the amount of time available or how it depends on whom is present. This is all valid, however, once you have a system for deciding how to decide, once you realise how important decisions are, you can go to work and make your decision. My Extreme Teams interviewees all say, any decision is better than indecision, at least a wrong decision can be put right but a lack of decision is a huge barrier to team success.

On deciding how to decide you have 5 choices which combine the amount of inclusion you wish to give the team or group and the amount of ownership they have over the process.

o   Decide & Announce

o   Gather Data from Individuals & Decide

o   Gather Data from the Group & Decide

o   Consensus

o   Delegate with Constraints

This can often reflect your preferred style however, the best decision makers or leaders are able to flex their styles – and should one style not work they can fall back on other styles.

It shows increasing levels of inclusion and ownership the team experience as the leader includes them in the process of decision making – as we all know this requires time and effort and if, as a leader, you stay in the Decide & Announce approach you must understand the consequences – less ownership and inclusion and therefore less commitment from the team.

I suggest that this is not about one size fits all, rather different ways of decision making suit different situations – Situational Decision Making.

When I used to train the Police in riot training skills, ‘decide and announce’ was defiantly the decision making style of choice.

Finally, last week the head of my children’s school texted and emailed to say school was closed due the snow – regardless of the hassle factor, the great thing was she made a decision; she made it quickly, early and allowed all the parents to make alternative plans. In previous years, other heads have left the decision until we arrived at school or phoned halfway through the morning to say they were shutting, which was much more disruptive.

So, to conclude, begin making decisions, like any skill it needs practise. Once you have made a decision, something should be different following the decision. Never leave the site of a decision without taking action – otherwise it will just be a thought, opinion or idea and not a proper real time decision.

Piers Carter

Leadership Coach & Consultant

Is it OK to be Nervous?

I was involved in a project recently and the prospect of it made me really quite nervous. The nature of the project is unimportant however the feelings of nerves or anxiety are, I think, common to many of us prior to and during important projects at work.

A brief history of the project circumstances is as follows. With a 3 month lead in it was decided that a piece of work should begin culminating in a final delivery date of 11^th September. The team comprised about 12 members from different disciplines and the preparation would involve some work in small teams and a great deal of individual work. All of which needed to link up when, for the first time, the whole team came together on 11^th September.

Initially I was excited about being involved and then the magnitude of the project became apparent, at which point, the little voice in my head started its commentary
“Will you be good enough?”
“Those guys have done so much more than you, how come you are on this team?”
Throughout the preparation phase I felt varying degrees of 'OKness' and 'not OKness'. On good days I thought my contribution was valued or, at least, I’d “got away with it” and on bad days, I felt I ought to drop out and leave them to it.

So are nerves ok? It’s a good question and, in short, I’d say yes, definitely. However, this comes with some added datail. They are ok if they aren’t harming your health, happiness or performance. If any of these are being affected then you might need other strategies for managing nerves and anxiety.
The good thing about being nervous is

·       It keeps you sharp

·       It helps you spot potential problems

·       It helps you prepare thoroughly

·       It keeps you on track

·       It motivates you to do a good job.

It is harmful when

·       It affects your sleep, diet or family relationships

·       When it causes you to be distracted in other circumstances

·       When it sends you into a pointless mode of activity which is not leading towards the end goal.

From experience I know about myself that the greater the feeling of nerves before an event or project, the greater the reward after the successful delivery. Furthermore, the truth is, I have no evidence to warrant the nervous feelings anyway, no disastrous outcomes, failed relationships or hopeless projects that suggest the nerves are founded in reality.

The voice in your head that suggests it will go wrong, you won’t be good enough, you’ll forget a crucial detail just at the time when it is essential and all the other variations on a critical theme is only one voice, it just happens to be talking particularly loudly at that moment. The trick is to turn up the volume on some of the other voices, the confident ones, the rational ones the ones that know all your competencies and capabilities.  Those are the voices that can reassure the nervous, critical ones, that can give a balanced perspective to the anxious ones and that can help you treat the nerves as a friend to be used and learned from rather than an irritant to be feared and frustrated by.

Now for those of you reading this and asking yourself “Do I have voices in my head?” Well, guess what? That was such a voice speaking right there.

And how did the project go on the 11^th September? Well, my role changed radically with only a few days to go to a role I wasn’t expecting to be doing. All 12 of us worked hard and it was a hugely successful project and the results were excellent. I didn’t make a mess of things and my new role was central to the success of the project and I played my part and contributed to the overall success. I think nerves are ok and in fact, if it weren’t for nerves, I do not think I would operate at the level that I currently operate at, they keep me sharp.

There is some great work on handling nerves and anxiety in an article on Mental Toughness in the British Journal of Sports Psychology by Graham Jones; if you are interested in exploring this more please do get in touch.

Piers Carter

Leadership Coach & Consultant